by Madeleine KandoOne of the parents at my dance studio asked me: 'Tu donnes des leçons le lundi prochain?' (Do you hold classes next Monday?) I was a little offended. I am her child's teacher and did not expect to be addressed with the familiar 'tu' form for the word 'you'. But I forgave her because I knew she was from Canada. Had she been French, I would not have let her off so easy.
One of the advantages of living in an English speaking country is that there is only one word for 'you'. But many languages have two distinct words. In French the terms are to 'tutoyer' and 'vouvoyer' someone.
'Tutoie-moi' means 'don't be so formal'. It's quite a tricky affair though, if French isn't your native language. Only bungling foreigners are forgiven when they mix up the terms 'tu' and 'vous'.
Originally the term 'vous' was only used in the plural (as in you guys). It became the 'polite' form of the singular 'you' because plurality is equivalent to power and prestige. 'If there is more than one of me' thought the king, 'it will make me even more important'. So he ordered his subjects to address him with 'vous'.
Once the King acknowledged his plurality, he had to refer to himself as ‘We’. Louis XIV dismissed visitors to whom he granted an audience by saying: “Nous vous permettons de vous retirer.” (We permit you to leave). Pompous professors still refer to themselves in the plural: “As we indicated to the reader in the preceding chapter….” This bs is called pluralis majestatis.
In present-day French politics the 'vous'and the 'tu' are used as powerful tools to manipulate, convince, insult and denigrate. The 'tu' polilticians are liberal leftists who see each other as equals. The 'vous' politicians are conservative. These two camps spend an inordinate amount of time deciding whether they should 'tutoyer' each other or not. It took these two very eminent politicians several minutes of precious airtime to argue over this, the issues at hand being completely forgotten: Le tu et le toi en pollitique
When Sarkozy asked Chirac whether they should 'tutoyer' each other, Chirac answered 'Si vous voulez'.
You would think that having two forms for 'you' would give people more opportunity to be polite. But the opposite is true. To use a 'tu' when a 'vous' is expected can be very insulting and it is like a slap in the face. French politicians like to insult each other in public. In that regard American politicians are incredibly well-mannered and restrained. But I have a feeling that being snobbish, aggressive and arrogant are qualities that the French public doesn’t find particularly negative.
Not too long ago long-time married couples still addressed each other with 'vous'. In 'La Chamade' a 1968 movie, after a long night of passionate love making, Michel Piccoli asks his wife (played by Catherine Deneuve): 'Vous voulez une cigarette?' Weird.
To graduate from a 'vous' to a 'tu' in a relationship has to be negotiated on an individual basis and there are really no hard and fast rules. It's like two countries who have to trust each other enough to establish diplomatic relationships.
But if you are not sure, just stick to 'vous'. Don't take it too far though. You don't want to be asking your two-year old: 'Vous voulez un cookie?' (would your grace like a cookie?). But it is always a bigger blunder to 'tutoyer' someone inappropriately than to 'vouvoyer' them.
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